Want Boys and Dolly Dommes are perfect for each other but an accident waiting to happen. One wants any kinky attention they can get, the other wants attention (and money).
When I got into kink in 2000, I'd meet potential subs via the back of contact magazines and postcards in newsagents. Yes I'm that old. I read everything I could get My hands on and learned everything I could about BDSM through internet chat rooms, forums and groups (I really miss Informed Consent), munches, clubs, magazines, the few books that existed and other Mistresses. I was a pro Domme for ten years, retired for six (as my performance career as Holestar took off) and returned to it early in 2016. The game has changed considerably.
Most of the theoretical knowledge you'll ever need to know about BDSM is now freely available online, in your hand, on your smart phone. Yet despite this ease of access, many folk getting into the wonderful world of kink are lazy with no desire to learn, just want. Perhaps a symptom of our instant culture?
First up, Want Boys. Boys (as they're devoid of manners and certainly not gentlemen) who have usually just discovered BDSM. It's an exciting new world but they want to enter the amusement park without reading the rules and ride the big one without a safety belt. Their first line of introduction is frequently via porn or Fifty Shade of Shite (which has about as much to do with BDSM as I do with neurosurgery). Now not to dismiss 50 Shades completely as it brought kink into the mainstream and I believe more positive representations that are available to the public the better, but they should be correct. 50 Shades may have made a million gussets damp but it's not BDSM, it's about control, abuse and a chap who clearly needs therapy. Not the safe, sane and consensual rules the BDSM community abide by. And as for porn, well it lies. A lot.
Want boys rock up to fetish, sex and dating sites and apps, screaming their desires into the wind, hoping someone will listen. They only want their desires fulfilled. They've no interest in the person they are approaching or learning basic etiquette. 'My dick is hard, sort me out!' They want, want want. If you were to say you're a sub, they'll suddenly be Dom and visa versa. The sub leaning ones don't understand that it's never about their wants and desires (well it's not in My world). They'll approach a top, babble everything they think that person wants to hear but when things don't go their way, will become belligerent and try to top from the bottom. The Dom types call themselves The New Mr Grey or some such drivel. Have rush bought a whole bunch of cheaply made kink toys but have no idea how to use them or inclination to learn how to properly. Should they find someone to submit to them, that person frequently ends up with badly placed bruises.
It's because of want boys that I returned pro. I was frustrated with idiots coming to me with a shopping list with zero interest in My requirements. In My private life, it's all about Me. I play how I want to and have no interest servicing someone. Yet with tribute, I'm more than happy to facilitate as long as it's something I enjoy myself. I'm not desperate for clients and only session with those where there's a common understanding.
Next up, Dolly Dommes. The internet has bust things wide open and any attractive girl with a smart phone can call herself a Fin (Financial) Domme. They spend everyday pouting into their phones, demanding sub men buy them gifts or send money. Usually for nothing in return. Now don't get me wrong, there are those who get off on it and some incredible FinDoms exist but the majority couldn't Domme their way out of a wet paper bag. They scream bland abusive catchphrases from their Twitter, calling men losers and slagging off other women. That's not Fem Domme. It's the antithesis of it. And quite frankly it's vulgar. Thing is, they don't care for BDSM, feminism or the empowerment of women. They're bossy, spoilt brats who demand money because they're pretty. Whoop de bloody doo.
Some Dolly's have been treated badly by vanilla boyfriends and see kink as an opportunity for payback on unsuspecting sub males. Should they venture to clubs, they'll look like a kinky dream wielding a plastic flogger and are generally vile to anyone approaches them. They're very dangerous and frequently drunk. I've seen Dollys spit at subs without consent. I've seen one strike a sub on a St Andrews Cross on their spine with a cane (massive no no). I've seen exhibitionist peacocks (of all genders) more interested in showing off and who is looking at them, than the person strapped down before them (when wielding weapons of ass destruction, concentrate you dingbat!). I've seen girls play 'let's see who can scream the loudest' in a bizarre display of trying to show others how 'dominant' they are. These girl make Me laugh. A naturally dominant woman doesn't scream. She's confident from within and doesn't need to be a cliche.
The majority of people who play within kink and BDSM are polite, respectful, intelligent, fun, honest, knowledgeable and think with the biggest sexual organ in the human body, the brain. Not their dick or purse. Want Boys and Dolly Dommes are a perfect match but an annoyance and potentially dangerous. Luckily they don't stick around long once they realise they can't get what they want and refuse to learn how.
Want Boys, kink is a three step process.
3. Getting kinky
It's number 2 that's the most important part. Yes you're horny and want someone to worship or peg you up the chuff but unless you engage your brain, it's not going to happen. No self respecting top is going to service your wants, no matter how cute you are. Be honest, polite and learn about this world as much as possible before charging around like a walking erection. Go to munches. See a professional Domme. Learn (I'm not going to tell you where, you've got Google). Chill the fuck out.
Dolly Dommes. If you're a Domme, you'll know. There are a vast number of service tops and you might be brilliant at that but learn about what you are doing. And stop hating on other women, it's vile.
Screaming and shouting like a child may get you what you want when you're young and pretty but pay pigs are fickle and there's always someone younger, cuter and hungrier coming down the stairs behind you. You can chill out too.
So there you go. Learn, be cool and enjoy.